Parshas Vayechi - Search for Strengths
In Parshas Vayechi Yaakov Avinu blesses his children before he dies. The Passuk is a bit enigmatic, “Ish kvirchaso barach osam”, each man according to his blessing, he blessed them. This means that Yaakov identified the strengths of each of his children, each one’s innate blessing, such as Yehudah’s natural quality of leadership, and then he gave him a bracha blessing him with what he was already blessed, in this case his quality of leadership. Why did Yaakov need to bless his children, kvirchaso, according to what each one was already blessed with? It seems redundant to bless a child with what he already has. Why not bless the one lacking in leadership qualities with the blessing of leadership? Rav Yerucham Levovitz teaches a crucial point of chinuch here. Each person is blessed innately with their own unique spiritual strengths and those strengths are what he or she needs to best serve Hashem. The best bracha we can give someone is to bless their strengths, to help them develop their natural abilities even farther. Yaakov wanted to bless each of his children by seeking out how they were already blessed, what their individual strengths were, and then blessing them that those strengths should be further developed and nurtured. Hashem gives each person a unique set of talents because those are the talents Hashem wants each of us to develop and refine to serve Him best. Yaakov didn’t have a vision of what a successful child of his must look like and measure each one up by how they fit or didn’t fit the standard. He set the precedent for parents going forward that we must look at each child and find their talents, identify their strengths, and bless our children by helping them develop their best areas and see their strengths as their best tools for building themselves. It is easy to identify weaknesses, it is much more helpful to identify strengths. For with wisdom, a child’s strengths can be harnessed to help them grow out of their weaknesses. Many of today's tips for behavior management focus on a child's weaknesses. The model that Yaakov Avinu gives us for chinuch is different. The Yaakov model says we need to look for the strengths of a child and use those innate strengths to solve the problem. Instead of getting upset at a child bouncing off the walls with excess energy, harness the excess energy that he has been blessed with. Send him to deliver cookies to neighbors, give him a scrub brush and let him attack a job you never have time for, find ways to use the blessing of energy he has been given in a way that is a blessing. This method takes more effort, but it pays back more reward too. The Parsha spends many pesukim detailing Yaakov’s descriptions of each child before we’re told he blessed them k’virchaso, according to their blessings. It takes time and effort to think through each child’s nature and strengths. It takes energy to figure out how we can bless them according to their blessings, and help each one develop further with the unique talents and skills Hashem blessed them with. This is our role. A mother sees her child as no one else can, and with wisdom and skill can uncover each child's strengths, and channels those strengths to help each child grow into the individual they are destined to be.
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