• October 28, 2021
• 0 comments

Parshas Chayei Sara begins with Sara Imeinu’s death and the story of Avraham burying her in me’aras hamachpela. The medrash, Breishis Raba, quotes a passuk from Mishlei describing Avraham. The pasuk says: רֹ֭דֵף צְדָקָ֣ה וָחָ֑סֶד יִמְצָ֥א חַ֝יִּ֗ים צְדָקָ֥ה וְכָבֽוֹד׃ One who pursues righteousness and chesed, loving kindness, will attain life, righteousness, and honor. In Parshas Vayeira we are told that Avraham does Tzedaka, hence “rodef tzedaka” refers to Avraham Avinu. What about the chesed piece? Where in the Torah are we told Avraham does chesed to earn the title of rodef tzedakah v’chased? We may expect the title of Pursuer of Chesed to be given to him when he ran to the three men in Parshas Vayeira and invited them into his tent? Or maybe when he davened for the people of Sedom to be spared? Which chesed does the medrash cite? It’s incredible… the chesed of Avraham is that he buried Sarah, his wife. וְאַחֲרֵי כֵן קָבַר אַבְרָהָם , הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב : רֹדֵף צְדָקָה וָחֶסֶד יִמְצָא חַיִּים צְדָקָה וְכָבוֹד. רֹדֵף צְדָקָה, זֶה אַבְרָהָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר : וְשָׁמְרוּ דֶּרֶךְ ה' לַעֲשׂוֹת צְדָקָה....וָחֶסֶד, שֶׁגָּמַל חֶסֶד לְשָׂרָה. The Alter of Slobodka asks the obvious question: that was Avraham’s greatest chesed? We expect the chesed of Avraham to be way beyond other people, out of the ordinary.. How can burying Sarah be the defining moment of Avraham’s chesed? The Alter’s answer is eye-opening and gets to the root of Chesed. When Hashem does chesed He gives completely without receiving anything in return. But for people, when we do chesed, we inevitably get something back. At the very least, we’re getting reward for the mitzvah of doing chesed and the pleasurable feeling of helping someone. Yet through our chesed we are causing the recipient of the chesed discomfort, or a twinge of pain as they are faced with the reality that they need our help. As good as it feels to us, the recipient would rather not need “matnas basar vadam”, the help of a human being. This reality, says the Alter, takes away from a true chesed which should only bring pleasure and comfort to the recipient. But, when is a chesed complete? Obviously, a chesed shel emes - burying someone falls in this category. But that’s not what the Alter mentions! What other chesed can a person do without making the recipient cringe inside? Chesed that one does for their family. In Avraham’s case, “ishto k’gufo”, his wife was like himself, so a kindness for his wife was like a kindness to his own self and being nice to oneself doesn’t hurt! The Alter says, “Umitoch kach chova meyuchedes ligmol chesed im hakrovim”, and because of this principle of true chesed, it is a unique obligation to do kindness with our close family members. Think about it - when you last went to the grocery store to get food for your family, did anyone at home say, “Really, Mommy, you shouldn’t have,”, or, “I feel terrible that you put away my books”. It’s probably safe to say that no one at home feels badly when you do their laundry, cook their meals, wash their dishes, or read them bedtime stories. So Avraham’s defining moment of chesed was burying his wife, and for us? Our days are filled with this style of true chesed - chesed done for our husbands and children that are true chesed as our family members feel no discomfort from our help. That is chesed! And that is what we, Jewish mothers, get to do, all day, every day. It may feel like a bigger chesed when I make your family supper than when I cook for my own, but feelings don’t always reflect reality. The greatest chasadim that you and I do are the ones we do day in and day out in our own homes.