Parshas Chukas - Different Strokes for Different Folks
Imagine a mother sitting alone on the couch, (this part may stretch your imagination, but bear with me!). One child walks in and asks permission to go shopping with friends. Mother looks at her child, smiles, and grants permission. Ten minutes later another child walks into the room with an identical request. This time, Mother looks at her child, smiles, and denies permission. Why does the same parent respond so differently to identical requests from two children? We all understand that parenting isn’t a matter of repeating a scripted role such that when a child asks “A”, the parent responds “B”. Rather, it is a responsive relationship between a parent and child where the parent’s reaction is individual to each child because each child is unique and needs a response based on their personal needs.
Parshas Chukas emphasizes this lesson in the enigmatic story when Hashem commanded Moshe to speak to the rock to bring forth water for the nation. Instead Moshe struck the rock, which succeeded in producing water, but tragically precipitated the decree banning Moshe from leading the nation into Eretz Yisrael. This story echoes one from forty years earlier. Soon after leaving Egypt, Bnai Yisrael requested water. At that time Hashem commanded Moshe to strike the rock, which made the water flow. Why was hitting the rock correct at the beginning of the desert journey, yet inappropriate after forty years of wandering?
While the situations seem identical, the crowd is different! After leaving Egypt, Bnai Yisroel were fresh from slavery. They were just beginning to coalesce as a spiritual nation and still were comfortable with the harsh physical realities of slavery. Physical force, or striking a rock, seemed natural and appropriate for people who had just come out of two-hundred ten years of harsh labor. But in Parshas Chukas, forty years have elapsed since the Exodus. The Jewish people are made up of a new generation which has had forty years of Moshe’s leadership and forty years of Torah learning. They are poised to enter Eretz Yisrael, a land sensitive to subtle spiritual behaviors. This generation didn’t need to learn about physical force, they needed to learn how to use subtle and spiritual powers such as speech to influence nature. This explains why Hashem’s response to Moshe emphasized, "Since you HIT the rock rather than speaking to it, you will not lead the Jewish people into the Land of Israel". At this time Bnai Yisrael needed a different style of leadership than was required forty years earlier. Although the needs in each generation were identical, they required water from a rock, yet the response had to be different because the nation had changed over time.
This is a powerful reminder for parents that we need to modulate our responses to each child individually. One size does not fit all in child-raising; rather it’s different strokes for different folks! Each child at each stage of development needs parenting tailored to who they are and what they need at that point. By responding to each child individually, we’re demonstrating that we honor and respect their individuality as we try to give each one what they need at each time.
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