Conversations
While Toras Imecha recordings are focused on the weekly Parshah and upcoming holidays, this “Conversation” page gives us a chance to share and connect with each other over different aspects of our mothering journey. I plan to post discussion questions regularly for your participation. I invite you to please share your perspective and experience with all of us. I can't wait to learn from you!
What resources have you found helpful in your parenting journey?
2020-11-02
Rebecca Masinter
I will admit that I have a habit, (compulsion?) of buying books I love. This means that although I have read and forgotten the titles of many, many parenting books, I have also read and reread many other books that eventually made their ways to my shelves. Some of those are below. I can’t wait to hear your answers - (all types of resources count here, not just books!) 1. “I Didn’t Plan to Be a Witch” by Linda Eyre - this book makes me smile after a long day. (Linda and Richard Eyre wrote several other books including the fantastic Three Steps to a Strong Family.) 2. “Understanding Your Child’s Temperament” by William Carey- this was extremely helpful when I had a baby I couldn’t “understand” intuitively. 3. “Hold On to Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld and many of his online lectures and courses (https://neufeldinstitute.org). Learning Gordon Neufeld’s material was a complete game changer for me as a mother. This is what I refer back to again and again and again. 4. “Children: The Challenge” by Rudolf Dreikurs 5. “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Families” by Stephen Covey 6. “Transforming the Difficult Child” by Howard Glasser. This is the basis of the Nurtured Heart approach - I got a lot out of this.
2020-11-12
Syma Davidovich
While it’s not exactly about parenting - the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman was SUPER helpful for me in relation to one of my children. And Dunstan Baby Language is a theory about infantile vocal reflexes as signals in humans. Not only fascinating but also so empowering once it clicks.
Reply2020-11-02
Rebecca
Oh yes! Also, Chapman has The Five Love Languages for Teens, which I found helpful.
How do we define success as parents? Thank you, Devorah Baron, for this question. Devorah asked this in response to “Noach: The Best Parents”. Even though all 3 of Noach’s children were worthy of being saved from the flood, one of them was Cham who didn’t turn out to be so great. So were Noach and Naama great parents or not? And how do we, as parents, define success for ourselves?
2020-10-27
Rebecca Masinter
Thank you so much Devorah! Your question is so important and I can’t wait to hear everyone’s answers. The way I try to measure my own success as a parent is by looking at myself, not my children. Am I doing the best I can at any given moment? How am I meeting the responsibilities and challenges that Hashem gave me in parenting my children? I don’t want to judge my parenting based on how my children meet or don’t meet other people’s expectations because I don’t believe that we can measure anyone’s true successes or failures by what we see. Each person is given their own unique package of strengths, challenges, assets, and liabilities. A person who appears successful to others may not be someone who has worked to develop the greatest character or who's overcome the most challenges, but simply someone who was given many talents and was blessed with easy successes. On the other hand, someone who appears to others to be unimpressive, may be the person who Hashem views as the greatest success because they are so impressive on the inside. It’s not a question of what a person does, but rather, what have they done with what they were given? In measuring my success as a parent I try my best to give my children the tools, attitudes, and character traits that will help them make the most of what they have been given. I want to raise children who reflect the potential Hashem has given them, whether or not that is obvious to the world.
2020-10-29
Devorah Baron
I love the idea of measuring success by our efforts and not the product
Reply2020-10-27
Syma Davidovich
I agree! How often do we see people judging a mother’s parenting skills when the child is having a temper tantrum in the middle of the parking lot of of a store? I measure my successes by my internal barometer in a situation like that- and not the circumstances I see on the outside.
2020-11-12
JD
I love your response for so many reasons. With most anything we do, H" rewards us for our efforts, not the result. Of course this would be the same for parenting. I like to joke that I define success as a parent as when your children need less therapy than you did, then we are doing just fine. In a few generations all will be healed. 🤣
ReplyWhen have you felt Hashem’s “hug” helping you mother your children?
2020-10-26
Rebecca Masinter
One of my children needed a specific therapy that wasn’t covered by insurance. The therapy was very important, but we were in a challenging financial situation and needed to sacrifice significantly to afford it. Prior to one evaluation I was feeling very stressed by the financial outlay. Before driving to the session I davened and begged Hashem to help us be able to give this child the help they needed. After our evaluation, I sat down with the secretary to pay for the next four months. She pulled me to one side of the room and said to me, “For years I have arranged that instead of receiving a salary for my work, my payment goes to pay for one child’s therapy. This time, I picked your child.” Even greater than the financial relief was my clear sense that Hashem was with me, a full partner in helping me give all my children everything they need. I have held onto that moment for years and it continues to give me strength.
2020-10-26
Adina Krausz
This is an incredible story with a miraculous Yeshua! Wow! The power of a Jewish mother’s Tefila!!!
Reply2020-10-26
Rebecca
Thank you Adina. I appreciate your point about the power of Tefilah. Sometimes we try to push for a solution by ourselves and forget to ask Hashem, but I have found that when I ask for help in parenting, I receive it.
2020-10-27
Bexley Lyss
Wow! Thank you for sharing this story of such incredible Hashgaha Pratis!
Reply2020-10-26
Rebecca
Thanks Bexley! It's so good to hear from you again.
2020-10-27
Inez Trupp
That Is a beautiful Story. While I am an empty nester now, I enjoy your short interpretations of the Parsha and how it relates to today’s parenting.
Reply2020-10-26
Rebecca
Inez, thank you for your comment. I especially appreciate your participation, as well as that of all the other grandmothers in Toras Imecha. You have so much wisdom and experience to share with us!
2020-10-27
Syma Davidovich
This is a wonderful story! May that secretary be abundantly blessed, and what a chizuk in the power of tefilla and bitachon! To answer the question posed; just recently my son’s Gan reopened after a long second lockdown. I was eager to send him back, but at the last minute decided against...for now. There were too many perameters we weren’t comfortable with. Four days later, I was talking with a new Israeli neighbor and she gently asked me how I plan to navigate my 4 year old’s Hebrew language skills. We watched his communication blossom exponentially during both the first and second lockdown, but it’s true that he remains “behind” in ivrit, and he is a quiet boy as it is... I started to feel doubt and then.... we received news that his whole Gan was sent into quarantine. 😅 to the mommies who thrive on schedule and routine, this year has given ample opportunities to learn how to pivot. May we always do it gracefully and may we always feel HaShem embracing us - especially when we slip!
Reply2020-10-26